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Post by andrewvb on Jul 13, 2017 12:49:32 GMT -6
yeah, you should just make your own plans and then tell people what's happening. involve them in things like the cake tasting and the food tasting, so they feel included, but otherwise i'd choose what you want. my fiance's family is more involved in our wedding planning, but that's because they have a good relationship and don't argue about stuff really. But really, do you want that? That makes it feel like their input is justified/deserved. well, yes, i was just finding easy ways to be nice and make them feel included if you want to placate a bit. |
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Post by Xamnam on Jul 13, 2017 12:50:48 GMT -6
But really, do you want that? That makes it feel like their input is justified/deserved. well, yes, i was just finding easy ways to be nice and make them feel included if you want to placate a bit. Gotcha. Things like that seemed a bit too integral/personal choice to do for that, for me. Invite them to placemat color selection day.  |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2017 12:52:11 GMT -6
I was okay with the idea until I looked at the guest list. There's a few people I can see taking complete advantage of that.
Ours is very non-traditional. Doing it in the backyard of her parent's house, it's being officiated by a friend of mine, non religious. Serving desserts, not dinner. This way the vegetarians can't complain. Not doing a cake, doing cupcakes and we're not smearing them in each others faces like everyone does.
But is this seriously what its gonna be like for the next 9 months? I mean, I love her parents, they are great. But presently they are on my shit list for their flip flopping.
Can't wait till we decide to have kids! /sarcasm.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2017 12:53:15 GMT -6
My wife and I turned down money from both our families - they were basically offering to fund the whole thing, and we figured that would make them feel entitled to plan everything. We did it cheap and in our own way and still get compliments almost 8 years later.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2017 12:54:27 GMT -6
Basically just try to maintain control of everything and do it your own way and don't worry about the stupid suggestions you'll get along the way.
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Post by andrewvb on Jul 13, 2017 12:54:36 GMT -6
I was okay with the idea until I looked at the guest list. There's a few people I can see taking complete advantage of that. Ours is very non-traditional. Doing it in the backyard of her parent's house, it's being officiated by a friend of mine, non religious. Serving desserts, not dinner. This way the vegetarians can't complain. Not doing a cake, doing cupcakes and we're not smearing them in each others faces like everyone does. But is this seriously what its gonna be like for the next 9 months? I mean, I love her parents, they are great. But presently they are on my shit list for their flip flopping. Can't wait till we decide to have kids! /sarcasm. hmm, this sounds pretty chill. you really shouldnt be dealing with that much parental pressure, sorry to hear. |
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Post by Pale Hose on Jul 13, 2017 12:55:03 GMT -6
I've been engaged for nearly two weeks, and I'm ready to elope after all of the wedding talk. It's not even on my fiancee, it's all of the family input. After the announcement it was "make sure you do it YOUR WAY, don't let anyone try to change your mind" now it's "we don't like that" and "can you change this?" Is this why people go to Vegas and dress up as stormtroopers? YES
Planning a wedding sucks, and is very stressful & gets expensive quick.
I enjoyed my wedding day, but if I could do it over again 20 people and a beach sounds pretty good.
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Post by Xamnam on Jul 13, 2017 12:56:24 GMT -6
But is this seriously what its gonna be like for the next 9 months? I mean, I love her parents, they are great. But presently they are on my shit list for their flip flopping. Can't wait till we decide to have kids! /sarcasm. If you want me to stop offering my opinion, say so and I'll take no offense, but this seems like a great time to start setting boundaries with them. "We've heard your opinion, and we'll figure out what we're going to do, together. We will let you know if we'd like your input. If you keep giving it unsolicited, we're going to want to stop listening to it." |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2017 12:56:42 GMT -6
No comment.
IRT: the entire conversation
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2017 12:57:15 GMT -6
I can handle them, I'm more concerned about her at this point. I support her ideas, her vision. I actually like her ideas. I don't have a problem with their ideas, but her ideas trump theirs. It's the guilt that they are putting on her. After having dinner last night and announcing that she won't be walked down the aisle by anyone, they said that was fine, then called her right before bed to say that they didn't like it. just so frustrating!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2017 12:58:04 GMT -6
But is this seriously what its gonna be like for the next 9 months? I mean, I love her parents, they are great. But presently they are on my shit list for their flip flopping. Can't wait till we decide to have kids! /sarcasm. If you want me to stop offering my opinion, say so and I'll take no offense, but this seems like a great time to start setting boundaries with them. "We've heard your opinion, and we'll figure out what we're going to do, together. We will let you know if we'd like your input. If you keep giving it unsolicited, we're going to want to stop listening to it." Honestly opinions from non-family members are helping me to not kill the family members right now lol |
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Post by Xamnam on Jul 13, 2017 12:59:16 GMT -6
Well, you certainly know the situation better than any of us. I wish you the best of luck with it.
I almost wonder if we actually warrant a wedding thread on the board.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2017 12:59:38 GMT -6
We had one on the old board.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2017 13:03:19 GMT -6
how many of us are planning weddings? avb and myself I know.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2017 13:11:28 GMT -6
My wife and I had a Cajun buffet at our wedding because our favorite takeout place in Lexington agreed to cater. It was super affordable and the food is/was legit amazing. Both families openly bitched. They wanted something more traditional. We also got the comments like, "we admire you for doing something unique, but shouldn't you be thinking of the guests?" We thankfully didn't budge, and it was a huge hit. People are going to offer shitty opinions through every major life decision (which is why we're not going to tell anyone the name of our daughter until she's born). Just ignore it and you'll be better off for it. Hell even if you need to pay family lip service and say you'll consider a change just to get them off your back.
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Post by Xamnam on Jul 13, 2017 13:12:23 GMT -6
how many of us are planning weddings? avb and myself I know. Yo. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2017 13:13:42 GMT -6
My wife and I had a Cajun buffet at our wedding because our favorite takeout place in Lexington agreed to cater. It was super affordable and the food is/was legit amazing. Both families openly bitched. They wanted something more traditional. We also got the comments like, "we admire you for doing something unique, but shouldn't you be thinking of the guests?" We thankfully didn't budge, and it was a huge hit. People are going to offer shitty opinions through every major life decision (which is why we're not going to tell anyone the name of our daughter until she's born). Just ignore it and you'll be better off for it. Hell even if you need to pay family lip service and say you'll consider a change just to get them off your back. we made the same decision today actually. When we have any children, not announcing the name until the day. I kinda wanna do a pop-up wedding. Just drive around in a party bus and stop somewhere, set up, do it quick, then over and go party at a bar. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2017 13:24:12 GMT -6
I can comment on the kid thing without being a bitter asshole. We picked names relatively early and then announced that to all the relatives. Told everyone they would have to wait until after the birth to find out. I think it worked out great as it basically cut off all the stupid suggestions from relatives really early in the pregnancy.
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Post by claypoolfan on Jul 13, 2017 13:31:34 GMT -6
This whole conversation is stressing me out so hard. No one have weddings it's not worth it.
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Post by irvred on Jul 13, 2017 13:37:35 GMT -6
My gf has said before that we should have a Catholic wedding to make her grandmother happy. I told her, 'Well, I guess we're not getting married until your grandma dies, then.' Didn't go over well.
Seriously, though, I think it's ridiculous to plan any aspect of your wedding around the wants of the guests. They can ger married and do their own stupid thing. You all do whaever you want. It's not about anyone else
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Post by irvred on Jul 13, 2017 13:40:00 GMT -6
Also, I've had two friends fairly recently get married, but the ceremonies were limited to, like, the very closest family and then the groomsman/bridesmaids. The next day they had a reception open to everyone. That setup is so appealing to me.
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Post by facts on Jul 13, 2017 13:44:16 GMT -6
Weddings are kind of like EDM fests. There is usually a lot of bad music, inebreatied guests, and if the promoter isn't taking in as much money as it costs to hold it, then you should probably think twice.
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Post by thebosma on Jul 13, 2017 13:46:35 GMT -6
I like, just got engaged last night and I think I wandered into this thread expecting to be less terrified.
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Post by Xamnam on Jul 13, 2017 13:48:52 GMT -6
Congratulations!
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Post by thebosma on Jul 13, 2017 13:49:24 GMT -6
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Post by irvred on Jul 13, 2017 13:52:55 GMT -6
Congrats!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2017 13:53:21 GMT -6
Congrats! Maybe we should do a thread for weddings
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2017 13:53:49 GMT -6
My gf has said before that we should have a Catholic wedding to make her grandmother happy. I told her, 'Well, I guess we're not getting married until your grandma dies, then.' Didn't go over well. my coffee. it's everywhere.. also congrats bosma! |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2017 13:54:22 GMT -6
Weddings are kind of like EDM fests. There is usually a lot of bad music, inebreatied guests, and if the promoter isn't taking in as much money as it costs to hold it, then you should probably think twice. Ha. when we first started talking about the wedding I told her that I'm in charge of the music. No DJ, just a Spotify playlist. |
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Post by Xamnam on Jul 13, 2017 13:55:26 GMT -6
Weddings are kind of like EDM fests. There is usually a lot of bad music, inebreatied guests, and if the promoter isn't taking in as much money as it costs to hold it, then you should probably think twice. Ha. when we first started talking about the wedding I told her that I'm in charge of the music. No DJ, just a Spotify playlist. Ha, same here, albeit mutally. We spent three days whittling down our collective choices. |
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